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Our friends for more than 20 years, who has faced and conquered several challenges, her resilience is commendable. However, she's repeatedly caught off guard by people. Her partner walked away, which came as an unexpected event. A lot of her social circle drifted away at that point, because they seemed only interested in her husband. It shocked her. She put in greater energy toward our bond, likely understood more acutely what friendship was.

Ongoing Issues With Friends Drifting Away

Throughout this period, several in her circle vanished without her being sure why. Her previous job suddenly changed toward her, even though she had been highly competent, she departed unaware of what had changed.

How Things Stand Now

Recently, we've both retired leading to more each other more, but I am finding my position in the relationship feels one-sided. I open subjects only for her to redirect them to what interests her. Regarding political views, she has firm beliefs. My effort is to suggest verifying facts or other angles.

She is arranging a trip to a country I've visited many times and resided in for some time. I tried to offer advice, however, my input not welcomed. She really solely sought my agreement with her decisions. I've just ended a month in that place she is eager to reconnect, however, I hesitate.

Evaluating the Situation

I hesitate to be a friend who cuts and runs without a word, however, I feel she can grasp the consequences of her actions on how I feel about myself. At this point, I find myself in distancing myself. How should I proceed?

Possible Paths

One option is to cut and run, however, that approach is rarely the easy answer we hope for. However, addressing it with a view to working things out requires bravery and openness for each of you.

Therapists recommend applying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Initially involves describing the usual pattern during your discussions. It should be as factual as possible and essentially exactly what occurs. The second is to express how this affects you emotionally. Ideally, there's no argument about this. What you feel are your feelings, after all. Finally involves requesting ways you together will alter the dynamics in your relationship."

Remember that she also holds perspectives, so you need to stay open to listen to her. An approach that works is to say her:

"It's your turn to speak and I'm going to not say anything for half an hour."

It's remarkably effective in fostering understanding.

Closing Considerations

She could ignore all you say, for those who have a “survival narrative”: they rely on a narrative regarding their experiences they're unable to let go of as it feels essential relies on it being the only thing they've known. This is difficult when there seems no easy route with these people, just dead ends. But she may start out this way then consider about what you've said. And even if a resolution isn't found a fix, it will give you peace knowing you were open and direct.